I was married at a very young age, 22, before I really knew what I was doing. I married him, he seemed nice, he was even from a good family. I had never thought that there were people out there who could be no good. It wasn’t long after we were married that he left me for another woman. Bingo! That was my first big blow in life People used to tell me “oh, you should feel good, she looks like you!” I don’t know what they were thinking, no matter what the other woman looks like, having the one man who is supposed to love you no matter what walk out on you hurts like hell. People didn’t understand. She could have had three eyes, but the point was… it wasn’t me.
So after he left me, I had the classic syndrome of the woman who has been rejected by a man. The dream that he is going to come back and say “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. I made a mistake.”
“Life is just too fantastic”
It doesn’t happen. It does not happen. I was so devastated by the whole thing, everybody thought that I was suicidal. And so the doctor said “well, have you considered ending your life?” And I says “well, I found a bullet in a drawer and I thought I would swallow it and jump off the roof and see if I explode at the bottom”. The psychologist told my mother, “she’s not suicidal! she’s just nuts!” But in all honesty, I was never really suicidal, or even all that depressed about it. I was never depressed, rather I was mad. I had spent five years of my life dating him, since I was 16, and we were married for only a year and a half when he decided to walk out on me. Life is too fantastic to get caught up on these issues. Why should I be depressed because one thing went badly; I had so much more to live for.
One of those things I had left to live for came as a result of that marriage. Although the marriage overall wasn’t exactly a pleasant memory, I did get the benefit of my first beautiful daughter. She was only three months old when my first husband walked out on us. She was the light that came out of a dark time. When we divorced, I decided I was going to take her with me to Europe. I had a flat rented in Spain for two years and I was taking my daughter with me so that she would have the same opportunity I had to be bilingual. I wanted everything for my daughter, I wanted her to have just as incredible of a life as I have lived.