“The best way to describe Frankie is to describe her birth.”
Frankie is my youngest, and best way to describe her is to describe her birth. I had natural childbirth with my youngest two kids, and with Elly it was amazing. I did the Bradly method and it was like I could feel the endorphin high between the contractions- it was great. I didn’t make a sound. But with Frankie, the Bradly message did not work. She was mal positioned, her head was coming out normally where the smallest part would. She was twisted so she was like this thing… just pushing her way out. She was my last, and she should have been the easiest but she was my hardest. I pushed for 2 and a half hours which was twice as long as the other two together. I didn’t have any drugs and I screamed so much I didn’t have a voice. My midwife was there, and she had OBs just in case to back her up if I needed a C-section. I just could not get this fucking child out and I just remember wanting to die.
“I was thinking I just want to die.”
And there were all these people, and I was thinking to myself I don’t care that all these people are looking at me. I had an OB, a resident, a med student, and nurses all lined up looking and just waiting and I’m just thinking I can’t do this. Finally I got her head out and there she was- just her head and she was screaming her head off! Screaming, angry, mad, and I didn’t know if it was a boy or girl or not, but you could hear these lungs on this child. The midwife let the cord stop pulsating before they cut it so the baby could get all the placental blood, and her cord was really short so when she put her in my arms and I couldn’t look between her legs to tell her gender. I remember holding her like what is it? What is it? And I thought to myself I don’t know what the hell you are, I can go my whole life without knowing, I just love you.
Then we saw it was a girl, she was just this angry old little Italian like her grandmothers on my husband’s side. Loud, obnoxious, screaming her head off from the beginning and that’s how she has continued to be. But she also grew up to be a wonderful, sensitive sweet soul. She is so smart but she is so lazy, I know I’m going to have to push her. She has more brains than both of her sisters put together- and the talent. She can sing a song and carry a tune like a professional. She is going to do great things- I’m just going to have to motivate her.